Life will go on.. life must go on..

Today I visited a former colleague of mine whose husband had just passed away.
We used to work quite closely together.
The circumstances behind the husband's death have yet to be established but
it seemed like suicide.
I have never met the husband till I went to the wake.
The body was placed in a open casket and it was only then I had my first look at him.
He was still young,mid-thirties and seemed like had a lot of thing going.
Wife and 2 kids, a big house, a good job...
I did however manage to meet up with his children whenever my former company
had an outdoor function or at a friend's place on a festive occasion cos my former colleague
will always bring them along.
I grew especially fond of his eldest son, Jovan, cos of his friendly disposition.
Before reaching his place, I did not feel anything much except a tinge of sadness
and perhaps a bit of shock, especially behind the circumstances of her husband's passing.
However upon reaching the house, and seeing her weeping over the open casket,
a wave of emotions suddenly struck me.
Suddenly I was feeling upset with this man who I hardly knew and met
and wanted to know why did he leave his family this way.
Especially his son Jovan.
I wanted to see him but he was not around and it did not seem nice for me to ask
the mum as she was so distraught.
As I stood there in silent and look upon his body as he lay resting in that casket,
I asked myself..
What could drive a man to such an end?
Media reports mentioned of a man who seemingly did not have a problem.
And I could not ask the wife there and then what was his or their problem.
I started asking myself ..
I have been through a lot in my life..
And somehow manage to pull through...
What about this man then?
Things can't be so bad up to the point that you have to take your own life?
Could I point it to the fact that he belonged to a different religion?
A difference in faith and the things we believe in?
Could it be I am stronger?
At one point I shudder to think...
But I resisted it...
Whatever it is.. whatever problems we may be facing..
life will go on... it must go on.. it has to go on...
It is easier for me to say since I was not in the man
state of mind at that time..
But I thanked God.. that He gave me the strength and courage..
and the common sense to think rationally...
So to those out there who may think that this is a way out..
I have a simple message.. it is not...
Everyone may be their own individual and we do not share the same problems.
If I know his exact problem or if I were in his shoes.. there is probably a reason..
But....
Anyway.. to whoever who read this.. whatever you may face.. in times that may seem
desperate.. sad.. unbearable.. hopeless..
It is not the end of the world..
To Jovan... hang in there son... my thoughts are with you..